yeah, I'm ill. I've got a cold, I'm sneezing and coughing, my throat hurts like hell and over all it is not a nice time I'm having. But I still gotta go to school >_> Oh, and apparently my temperature is 35C. Wtf? Anyway, I'm feeling weak, tired, sleepy and all of that, so no art from me -excuses, I know, but seriously, i'm not well :<- for now. My throat hurted me so badly on science today that I cried. And I couldn't cough properly, coz I felt like coughing so hard I'd vomit. So I just had to go with few "ahems" and tiny coughs. And we had test, so everyone was quiet, ughhh >__> my luck. I cried only a little though, and didn't sob much, so even though I am sitting in the first row literally in front of our teacher, she didn't notice anything. And good.

Because, seriously, I also cried on maths a week or two ago. It wasn't because I was ill, obviously, since I'm ill from yesterday, but because I was feeling all nervous and that. Doesn't really matter why now, my point is - I have maths with my form tutor. And i gazed off, lost in my thoughts and I didn't even realize I was crying until one of the students called out to me, asking why I'm crying. I twitched, turned around (I am sitting sideways on the chair, so that my side is where my legs should be, yknow. and behind me there is a window and a radiator.), put my arm on the radiator, wiped the tears away, glared outside and spat a cool "I'm not [crying]". But seriously, who was I trying to trick? The teacher walked up and she gave me a hug and I instantly broke. I started to cry loudly and seriously, I didn't really care that most of the class was looking at us - oh, and it was a mixed class, with people from three different form classes. Sweet, no? fff.

But actually, and it's what I'm grateful for, the class kept an average talking level - they didn't go all quiet and stared. I could feel they are peeking, but they were just, I dunno.. but they didn't stare. and i'm grateful, i'd die from embarassment if they'd stare. Anyways, after few moments I calmed down and the teacher walked away. Nobody asked me why or anything - and again, i'm grateful. Now, each time my tutor sees me, she asks me if I'm fine. Heh.. I suppose she thinks I have problems. Which I do anyway, and she knows I had lots of them before, the stuff that involved police and everything, poor victim me. I bet she pities me. uh.

Ooooooooh, did I tell you? I'm getting special care. It is not said, neither do I get anything that special, but I'm still being treated better than others or am allowed to do things others don't, at least in school - you know, teachers let some people do this or that simply because that certain someone has some sort of problems (here we are again). They must be thinking I have some, or I'm dumb, or i dunno. There is a possibilty they just like me, but I doubt and I do have my reasons.

So basically all this "special care" isn't nothing big, but my friend-who-is-the-sort-of-person-who-laughs-at-everything (unfortunately, I literally mean everything. even at my problems which I share with her since I have no one else to tell) is still jealous. For example, let me tell you how last friday passed:
First lesson - Music. About the only lesson I'm willing to do anything. We play the blues, it's all cool. There was that trip that people who learn to play instruments for money in school from specialists were going to on last wednesday, to see an orchiestra or however the hell you spell that, and this friend of mine, whom I will now refer to as "ST" was one of the people who were going - she is playing basic guitar every thursday for 20 minutes during lesson time (she just has a note and goes to another room, a music room, where there is a specialist and learns her to play it). And guess what? Yeah, I was the only person who doesn't play anything who went on that trip. The music teacher just gave me a slip and that's it. He didn't say why or anything, he just gave it to me lol. So on Friday music lesson, i was actually quite cheerful.

Second lesson - Art. Oh ihatehatehatehate art. Let's assume your grandmother has some sort of artistic talent. Now imagine her in a class of kids teaching. Yeah, that's the sort of teacher we have. But I don't care, I'm not doing anything on art. Whole class is working their asses of trying to paint, while I sit there with my head on the table and arms around it, claiming to have a head-ache for over two weeks now (we have art once a week). Meh.

Third lesson - French. Ahahahahaha, I hate it too. Normally, when someone swings on their chair, they are told to stand for the rest of the lesson. I swing with my foot on the table and the teacher says fucking nothing. Normally, you'd have to pay if you were to get a pen from her because you lost yours or it stopped writing. I got mine for free. Normally, you'd have one chance to do your test, with one and final result. She told me that if I'm not satisfied with my score, I'll be able to do it again (she hasn't marked it yet). Normally, you have to do something on the lesson. I sit there and chat or play, sometimes I even bother to copy other people's work. I don't know how come I'm in top set.

Fourth lesson - Maths. Again, I did one or two questions, then sat there with a grim face, elbow on the radiator, palm holding my chin and gazing out of the window. Sweeeet.

Fifth lesson - P.E.. Oh that one's a pain in the ass. Our teacher is very sexist towards girls, he is giving girls the lowest possible levels even if they're best at something, makes seperate games for us and says we are less experienced and worse at sports and all that. Overall, he is a good, cool guy to be around with, but on the lesson he can be an annoying person. But what the hell, why do I care. If we have double lesson, football, i stand in the middle of the court, singing and dodging the ball whenever it comes in my direction. In single lesson, which is friday indeed, volleyball, i actually bother playing because I'm surprisingly good at it. Not that the teacher appreciates that, but eh.

Sixth lesson - Geography. Ah, usual, I'm just sitting around, chatting, or not doing anything. Or drawing. Here I'm even getting special care from the students. Each time we do any coloring, cutting, sticking and all the other kind of stuff which involves getting up to get the equipment, I just turn to the two students who sit behind my desk and simply take whatever I need from their desk. Response? They ignore me completely. No "give it back", no "you should ask first", not even a look. They just continue with what they're doing unless I signal I wish to speak by calling their names or asking questions.


Judging by this.. am I seriously weird? lol, i don't know how on EARTH am I in top set for fricking EVERYTHING. except maths, where we have four sets, bottom, middle, second top and first top. I'm in second top and probably gonna move up. wtf? Even cor. tech, but this only because ST is there. And the head of cor. tech knows I need her company or I'm gonna fail. Because I once cried that i don't want to cook, so he took me to his class where she was and I sat with her, chatting. On cor. tech we have four mixed groups with three different classes. In last year, I used to be in the very bottom. Really. After the crying (I cried honestly, I wasn't making drama. I really hate cooking so much that I'd be willing to, i dunno, enter a burning building than cook :< ) incident, he moved me right up, with ST who was there originally. She's a geek and a nerd, ysee. And his lesson is woodwork. I fail, so I get help from the second teacher who's on that lesson. He does my thing for me, while I do his for him - lately, I'm sitting on a woodwork desk and moving a saw-like knife accros a long piece of metal which is triangle-like in shape, to make it shiny. It's a future table leg. I asked for credit, he said he will put my name on there, haha.